Two Leaders Within

Since the beginning of 2020 I’ve decided to post to TruthSNACK monthly instead of weekly. The episodes are less frequent, but now about four times as long as they used to be. And one reason for the increased length is that in each video I try to tell a story. Rather than declaring what I think on a subject, I try to show the journey I went on to come to that conclusion. The resulting videos are much more meaningful to me, personally, but also much more vulnerable.

On YouTube I’m just Matt, but elsewhere in my life I’m Pastor Matt. I’m a spiritual leader to teens, to youth leaders, and to a local church. When COVID hit I had this distinct thought: “I don’t want to be a leader right now.”

Leaders can feel the weight of expectation, whether real or imagined, to know the answer in every situation. So I feel like there are two leaders within me, fighting to come out. One who appears all-knowing and in control. The other who is journeying with others and learning on the way together, leading from a place of authenticity. Being strong and courageous can feel at odds with vulnerability. But are they?

Maybe this is my cathartic confession that TruthSNACK has become a home for what I know inside: I still have so much to learn. In the early days of TruthSNACK I was trying to create an apologetic outline of the Christian worldview. It may have given people knowledge, but I’m not sure how much it helped them become truth-seekers. Now my channel is becoming an open book. It’s not a download; it’s a story.

It isn’t comfortable. It has risks. It’s not classic “leadership.” But it is worth it. My sincere prayer is that TruthSNACK inspires you to be an adventurous truth-seeker.

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